The Purpose

What exactly is the purpose of my writing?  Well, besides the simple need to get all this stuff out of me, I have a very good reason and I think, altruistic purpose.  To chronicle and share with the world what I am going through.  I am no one special by any means, I don't even pretend to be.  But I am human.  I am a twenty-something living in today's world.  And the purpose of my writing is to share that.  I have noticed that we read many books and see many shows and movies based on characters who are in their thirties, forties, etc.  Who have achieved what they want in life.  They have the career, the love, the family, the house, the car.  Professionally and personally, they are where they want to be.  And that is what we read and hear about.  But nobody ever hears about the girl who is still in her twenties and still figuring out what to do.  What she wants to be when she grows up.  Or even, if she is in the career she wants to be in, she is, in this day and age most certainly not in the professional position she wants to achieve.  My writings are about me, twenty-six years old and still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.  Still making my way in my career and climbing the corporate ladder.  Growing a backbone and dealing with what I have to deal with in today's world.  Not just in the work place and in my young life, but including the current financial situation we as a world are now facing and even getting by day-to-day.

This is the Sex and the City for the twenty-somethings, for those that have not quite found themselves yet, but never give up the fight and no matter what, are having fun doing it.

I Am Awesome

I have noticed that I only really write when I am unhappy. When I see there is something wrong and/or I am scared. Right now, as I sit here and write this, I don’t know if I am happy or sad, scared or not. I am just me, it is Sunday night and I am semi dreading going to work tomorrow. I left work on Friday after a near explosion and my first crucifixtion as I see it. In my line of work, anything I say and do can and will be used against me at any time, and can and will be turned around to fit the other persons defense and story. That is what happened to me. I am pretty sure everything will be OK, but tomorrow and this coming week will tell for sure. While I am being brave and knowing that this is just a part of my job and a first occasion of many. I am still growing my backbone. I will be OK, I KNOW I will be OK. I just have to believe that. However, I just can’t let my work effect the rest of my life. I need to leave the office at 5 o’clock and do what I work for. Myself and my art, I am working on it. I am sitting here writing, that is a part of my art. One day I will get some art supplies and begin to draw and paint again. I will hopefully soon, publish some of my photography. This is all a release. I am more than simply my job. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. For the most part, I work with some really great people, and that is one thing I love, I love working with people, I get a charge and a high working with and being around people. I also love the work I do, it is a lot of multi-tasking and balancing and I love that. I feel like I am actually doing something. But when work gets stressful, like it did on Friday, I need to know, I need reassurance that I am more than my job, and petty accusations are simply that. Because I AM AWESOME, I AM AWESOME, I AM AWESOME!!!

Why Do I Have to Write?

Why do I have to write? This is so typical of me, here I am saying, I’m going to write, I want to be a writer, I want to express myself some way, I need an outlet and I am going to do that through writing. But of course as soon as I say it and get it out there, then there will always be that someone who will ruin it for me. Not in a discouraging you can’t do it way. But in a way that says, “Did you write today?” “How’s your writing going?” I hate that. Is that really their business, not only that, but it really gets on my last nerve and is one of my biggest pet peeves in that it really just makes me feel like a child. I hate it, I have always hated it, even when I was a child, being made to feel like I’m a child and need constant reminding do something, its like when my mom would always hassle me about practicing my violin, I hated it.  I knew I needed to practice, and I would eventually, quit bugging me about it.

But maybe I do need this outlet. The goal of my writing and my eventual book is to chronical what it is like for a twenty-something working her ass off trying to make her way in this world. The world portrays women in their twenties as neive and just waiting to get married or whatever, regardless, just floating through the world. This sucks. All I want to do is be happy, and I am happy, overall, I am a very happy person. There are times when I am not so happy, and that is when I get the writing bug, when I want to get my voice out, so the world knows what I and maybe others are going through. Am I the only one going through this? I don’t know, maybe. Maybe I am just being selfish thinking that the world cares. But maybe I’m not. Maybe there are other twenty-somethings out there who feel the same way. Who are disappointed that they are still discovering the world when they thought they should be seasoned veterans by now. That’s what I’m going through, I’m smart, I’m a hard worker, why are there things I am still learning? Why have I not blossomed into the person I am supposed to be?  I know I am getting closer but I always think, why aren’t I there yet?

But, I know, I am getting closer, I am very rapidly blossoming into the woman and person I am supposed to be. I am finding myself, I am growing, I am discovering that my passions are myself, my art, my writing, my photography, just who I am and what I do, that is me. With that I am finding myself, and my voice. I am realizing that I can speak up for myself, for who I am. For my skills and abilities and my intelligence. Looking back, I am wondering if I could have done this even a year ago? I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this now, but I am, and I’m learning.

Self-Motivation

I have a ton of self-help, self-motivating and self-improvement and get rich and gets successful books.  But I really just need to take a step back from that right now and reflect on my own life in the present and what I am doing RIGHT NOW.  Where I am at and how I feel about what I am doing, which, all-in-all, is pretty good.  I'm old enough now and experienced in life enough now to also know, that God has a plan for everything and everyone and He does know what He is doing.  Everything in life has a purpose and everything will work out in the end.

Second of all, if I am going to be an artist, a writer, a photographer, a tennis player, a painter, whatever, I need to just get off my ass and do it already.  I have to quit saying, "One day I have to write or draw or take pictures or paint or whatever," and actually do it.  Make time to DO IT!!!  That goes for me and wanting to learn how to taste wine.  I should read that Wine Bible book I got and sign up for wine tasting classes.  If they are too expensive now, well than I have to save up for next time.  It's as simple as that.  How's that for self-motivation, see, I don't need books to tell me what to do.  I already know what to do.  I'm doing it right now.  One day, I will write a book and it will sell millions.  Even, end up on the New York Times Bestseller List.  And if she's still around, "Oprah's Book club."

WTF!!!

GET ME OUT!!!, I'm in a shell again, just get me the hell out of this shell and into what I am really supposed to be doing with my life.  I'm f-ing sick and tired of worrying about my job every day, worrying about the MAN and what "he" thinks of me and my performance, I'm tired of impressing everybody all the time.  I just want to be ME!!!  Is that so wrong?  I want to make it on my own, I'm tire of waiting around for somebody else to give me a break, I'm done playing cute little receptionist, I'm smarter than that and worth more than that and YOU and everyone knows it.  I want to be independently wealthy, I don't want to have to rely on somebody else for my paycheck, I want to do it on my own.  I want to be the boss, I want to call the shots, I want to make the rules.  I'm tired of being bossed around all the time.  That may be fore somebody else, but not or me.  I want to have my own business.  My own thing, and not have to worry about market conditions and layoff, etc.  I don't want to worry about what my boss thinks of me  I just want to live, I want to set my own hours, if I want to take a vacation and travel, I want to be able to do so without asking anybody.  If I want to sleep in on a Tuesday, I want to be able to do that.  I have other interests and want to be able to utilize them.  If I want to buy things, I don't want to have to use my credit card, and put myself further in to debt.  I also don't want to have to worry about whether or not I can afford it.  I want to ALWAYS have the money to afford ANYTHING I want to do.

I am 26 years old and I have a college education, I have 2 collage degrees in fact and graduated at the top of my class with both.  I AM NOT A SECRETARY!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am much smarter than that, I am a manager, I am a marketer, I am a businesswoman, I am an artist.  I am smart and savvy and I will make it for sure.

Just watch, I am coming world.