Why Do I Have to Write?

Why do I have to write? This is so typical of me, here I am saying, I’m going to write, I want to be a writer, I want to express myself some way, I need an outlet and I am going to do that through writing. But of course as soon as I say it and get it out there, then there will always be that someone who will ruin it for me. Not in a discouraging you can’t do it way. But in a way that says, “Did you write today?” “How’s your writing going?” I hate that. Is that really their business, not only that, but it really gets on my last nerve and is one of my biggest pet peeves in that it really just makes me feel like a child. I hate it, I have always hated it, even when I was a child, being made to feel like I’m a child and need constant reminding do something, its like when my mom would always hassle me about practicing my violin, I hated it.  I knew I needed to practice, and I would eventually, quit bugging me about it.

But maybe I do need this outlet. The goal of my writing and my eventual book is to chronical what it is like for a twenty-something working her ass off trying to make her way in this world. The world portrays women in their twenties as neive and just waiting to get married or whatever, regardless, just floating through the world. This sucks. All I want to do is be happy, and I am happy, overall, I am a very happy person. There are times when I am not so happy, and that is when I get the writing bug, when I want to get my voice out, so the world knows what I and maybe others are going through. Am I the only one going through this? I don’t know, maybe. Maybe I am just being selfish thinking that the world cares. But maybe I’m not. Maybe there are other twenty-somethings out there who feel the same way. Who are disappointed that they are still discovering the world when they thought they should be seasoned veterans by now. That’s what I’m going through, I’m smart, I’m a hard worker, why are there things I am still learning? Why have I not blossomed into the person I am supposed to be?  I know I am getting closer but I always think, why aren’t I there yet?

But, I know, I am getting closer, I am very rapidly blossoming into the woman and person I am supposed to be. I am finding myself, I am growing, I am discovering that my passions are myself, my art, my writing, my photography, just who I am and what I do, that is me. With that I am finding myself, and my voice. I am realizing that I can speak up for myself, for who I am. For my skills and abilities and my intelligence. Looking back, I am wondering if I could have done this even a year ago? I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this now, but I am, and I’m learning.