Monday, November 24, 2008
Come to Jesus
My birthday is in approximately 3 weeks, this has lead me to my usual, annual "Come to Jesus" moment and talk with myself. About where I am in my life, if I have achieved what I wanted to achieve a year ago, and of course, if I am any further in my life and grown up than a year ago. Well, I don't know. Since I still officially have 3 weeks to "Come to Jesus" I still have not figured that out. A year ago, I was unemployeed, Now, I have a new job and a new career. I am happy, but hmm, I am not a millionaire yet, nor am I debt free. Well, so am I better off than I was a year ago? Am I smarter? More mature? I still have no idea and I can guarentee, that in 3 weeks, I still will not know. I don't think I am. I do think I have changed and grown more though. So yea, I guess I am smarter and more mature. I have lived through experiences that a year ago, I thought would kill me, like loosing my job and going through 3 months of unemployment. I have learned to manage in several aspects of my life, including my money, my social life, my health and in my job.
At a time in the U.S. Economy when everyone is scared, I am living through it, as we all are, yet I remain optimistic as we can all say, that someday everything will be better and we will have all lived through this and tell our children that I survived that economic crisis. That alone makes me fell more mature and worthy of my impending birthday.
I am discovering who I am and why I am passionate about what I am passionate about. I have lost the fear to share it with the world (this blog) and I am continuing to work on my art and feed my urge to be creative and the artist that I want to be.
Last year around this time, I was scared. I was 25 and thinking, "Shit, I will be 26 and what have I done with my life?" And now I'm am about to turn 27 and thinking, Who cares! it may take me until I am 70 to figure out why I am on this planet but at least I am having fun figuring it out. And really, that is all we can ask out of life. We may never know why we are here until the end but for the time we are on this planet, we may as well enjoy it and live. No matter how old we are, what our friends or peers are doing or what society says we should be doing. Age is irrelevent, its a number and yes, every year we grow, but every year is just another year to enjoy what you have and what you are given.
At a time in the U.S. Economy when everyone is scared, I am living through it, as we all are, yet I remain optimistic as we can all say, that someday everything will be better and we will have all lived through this and tell our children that I survived that economic crisis. That alone makes me fell more mature and worthy of my impending birthday.
I am discovering who I am and why I am passionate about what I am passionate about. I have lost the fear to share it with the world (this blog) and I am continuing to work on my art and feed my urge to be creative and the artist that I want to be.
Last year around this time, I was scared. I was 25 and thinking, "Shit, I will be 26 and what have I done with my life?" And now I'm am about to turn 27 and thinking, Who cares! it may take me until I am 70 to figure out why I am on this planet but at least I am having fun figuring it out. And really, that is all we can ask out of life. We may never know why we are here until the end but for the time we are on this planet, we may as well enjoy it and live. No matter how old we are, what our friends or peers are doing or what society says we should be doing. Age is irrelevent, its a number and yes, every year we grow, but every year is just another year to enjoy what you have and what you are given.
My New Endevor
One thing I can say about about growing older and growing up is you learn from your mistakes and experiences. Sometimes you learn to never do that again and sometimes you learn that maybe if you go about it differently you will finally achieve what you were looking for. I am currently going through such a place. Approaching my late twenties, I am currently going through just that. I have very reciently embarked on an endevor which in the past has not worked out for me the way I wanted it to. Now, after much thought and a little encouragement I have decided to embark on it again. This time hopefully with more thought, planning and maturity. I have no gradiouse plans or hopes for this endevor like I did in the past, yet unlike before, I have grown up and no longer accept a half-assed job. I will simply go for it, but do it 110%. The Lord only knows how this will turn out and I am seeing this as an act of divinity or destiny (depending on which one you believe in) on why I am doing this. Who knows, maybe He or the Universe still need to get a good laugh out of me, or feel that I haven't learned my lessons from the past. Or maybe, just maybe. This could be IT, this maybe the gateway to what I have been asking for and wanting for quite sometime. I guess you just have to stay tuned to see how it all works out.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
My Justification
November 1, 2008
As broke as I am right now, I am thinking about my income and out-go. What I spend, versus what I make, but I feel like I’m at a bare minimum. So why do I have to justify the small extra expenses that I do have, like my gym or Netflix memberships. Hey, I go to the gym to stay and shape and be healthy, and my Netflix, well that’s fun. My extra expenses are only thirty bucks a month. Its not like I’m buying $4 lattes every morning. Than why do I feel like I have to justify anything, to myself or anyone else. Why do I have to justify my house? My cable, Internet, cell phone or anything I have ever purchased, including groceries. It’s not fair, its really not. I work really hard for my money and everything I have. I deserve to have a nice place to live and food in my belly as well as small essentials of today, like Internet and cable. I am living within my means, I’m just broke right now, no, not broke, financially slow. But it will pick up. I will get money, I will begin making more money. I will, I will, I will and with training within myself, I will no longer feel like I have to justify my spending to anyone, including myself. Because honestly, if I spend and live within my means, which I do, there is no reason to justify anything to anyone.
As broke as I am right now, I am thinking about my income and out-go. What I spend, versus what I make, but I feel like I’m at a bare minimum. So why do I have to justify the small extra expenses that I do have, like my gym or Netflix memberships. Hey, I go to the gym to stay and shape and be healthy, and my Netflix, well that’s fun. My extra expenses are only thirty bucks a month. Its not like I’m buying $4 lattes every morning. Than why do I feel like I have to justify anything, to myself or anyone else. Why do I have to justify my house? My cable, Internet, cell phone or anything I have ever purchased, including groceries. It’s not fair, its really not. I work really hard for my money and everything I have. I deserve to have a nice place to live and food in my belly as well as small essentials of today, like Internet and cable. I am living within my means, I’m just broke right now, no, not broke, financially slow. But it will pick up. I will get money, I will begin making more money. I will, I will, I will and with training within myself, I will no longer feel like I have to justify my spending to anyone, including myself. Because honestly, if I spend and live within my means, which I do, there is no reason to justify anything to anyone.
Bored and Broke
November 1, 2008
I am bored today. Not really bored, just really unmotivated. There is a ton of stuff to do, but I don’t want to do any of it. For one thing, it seems as if I do the same thing every weekend. Clean. I clean the same thing every weekend, and several times during the week. I clean the kitchen, vacuum, mop, laundry, clean the bathroom and take out several tons of trash that I still can’t figure out how I can accumulate so much trash?!
I’m also a bit depressed, I am BROKE BROKE BROKE right now. I mean BROKE, I don’t know how I do it sometimes. There are times when I am doing fine on money, but other times, I just don’t know. Now is one of those times, and nothing has really changed, I don’t really have any extra bills, I have not been spending any different. It does seem like my economic status is seriously down in the dumps right now. I need money, lots of money. Well, not lots of money, but enough money to get through.
The biggest thing I hate about being broke is the stigma that comes along with it. My mom looks at me with pitty and like I have not been making smart decisions, i.e. playing with my credit card. Well, playing with my credit card did kind of started this spiral, but I have all but stopped now. Well, not completely stopped, with being broke, my credit card is the only way I am buying essentials, like gas. But this stigma I feel with being broke is something I see as society giving to a lot of people. I am a responsible person, I pay my bills on time, even if it means I can’t pay for anything else, like a cocktail or a burger off the dollar menu. One thing I have learned though, is that my economic status, like the countries economic status is cyclical. Now I’m not an expert, so I am not even going to begin to comment on the current state of the country’s economy. But I know that as little money as I have now, I will HAVE that much money in the near future. I just have to stick it out and not go out and play and spend money. I also know from personal experience that the Lord provides. I remember there was a time in my life when I was unemployed, working temp positions and a part time retail job and I remember crying at the drive-thru teller of the bank, because I was blessed. I had just enough money to pay for what I needed to pay for at that time. I got out of that, and I can get out of this.
I am also learning from my current economic status. I am partly in this position because I did play a little to hard with my credit card, and now it is coming back to haunt me and it hurts. I consider my credit card payment as a payment that I do not have to pay. I.e. it’s not like it’s a utility bill that I have to have that I must pay. A credit card bill is a bill that I never had to have. I didn’t have to go shopping, I didn’t have to go to dinner with my friends a million times. Therefore, I don’t have to have this bill. So, when I get this card paid off, I will be a lot more careful how I use it, and not rack it up so high. If I use my credit card, I will make sure I will be able to pay off the balance at the end of the month. Like a smart and responsible person like me should do. Also, once I get my credit card paid off, I will no longer have that bill, hen I can simply concentrate on my student loans, another bill that is killing me.
So, its 7pm on my No Motivation, Bored day, tonight, I plan on going low budget, making a cocktail from my own liquer cabinet and watching a movie and knitting. Hopefully, I will have more motivation tomorrow to do laundry and finish the cleaning I didn’t quite get done today.
I am bored today. Not really bored, just really unmotivated. There is a ton of stuff to do, but I don’t want to do any of it. For one thing, it seems as if I do the same thing every weekend. Clean. I clean the same thing every weekend, and several times during the week. I clean the kitchen, vacuum, mop, laundry, clean the bathroom and take out several tons of trash that I still can’t figure out how I can accumulate so much trash?!
I’m also a bit depressed, I am BROKE BROKE BROKE right now. I mean BROKE, I don’t know how I do it sometimes. There are times when I am doing fine on money, but other times, I just don’t know. Now is one of those times, and nothing has really changed, I don’t really have any extra bills, I have not been spending any different. It does seem like my economic status is seriously down in the dumps right now. I need money, lots of money. Well, not lots of money, but enough money to get through.
The biggest thing I hate about being broke is the stigma that comes along with it. My mom looks at me with pitty and like I have not been making smart decisions, i.e. playing with my credit card. Well, playing with my credit card did kind of started this spiral, but I have all but stopped now. Well, not completely stopped, with being broke, my credit card is the only way I am buying essentials, like gas. But this stigma I feel with being broke is something I see as society giving to a lot of people. I am a responsible person, I pay my bills on time, even if it means I can’t pay for anything else, like a cocktail or a burger off the dollar menu. One thing I have learned though, is that my economic status, like the countries economic status is cyclical. Now I’m not an expert, so I am not even going to begin to comment on the current state of the country’s economy. But I know that as little money as I have now, I will HAVE that much money in the near future. I just have to stick it out and not go out and play and spend money. I also know from personal experience that the Lord provides. I remember there was a time in my life when I was unemployed, working temp positions and a part time retail job and I remember crying at the drive-thru teller of the bank, because I was blessed. I had just enough money to pay for what I needed to pay for at that time. I got out of that, and I can get out of this.
I am also learning from my current economic status. I am partly in this position because I did play a little to hard with my credit card, and now it is coming back to haunt me and it hurts. I consider my credit card payment as a payment that I do not have to pay. I.e. it’s not like it’s a utility bill that I have to have that I must pay. A credit card bill is a bill that I never had to have. I didn’t have to go shopping, I didn’t have to go to dinner with my friends a million times. Therefore, I don’t have to have this bill. So, when I get this card paid off, I will be a lot more careful how I use it, and not rack it up so high. If I use my credit card, I will make sure I will be able to pay off the balance at the end of the month. Like a smart and responsible person like me should do. Also, once I get my credit card paid off, I will no longer have that bill, hen I can simply concentrate on my student loans, another bill that is killing me.
So, its 7pm on my No Motivation, Bored day, tonight, I plan on going low budget, making a cocktail from my own liquer cabinet and watching a movie and knitting. Hopefully, I will have more motivation tomorrow to do laundry and finish the cleaning I didn’t quite get done today.
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